In possibly my faster quarter at Stanford yet, the end is drawing near for my quarter spent abroad. And by “abroad”, I actually mean New York….

I landed in New York with just a suitcase and my puffy coat. It’s a tale all too familiar to the city. Every day, dreamers land in this city to start a new life. And in this bold city, surrounded by similar souls, we feel more alone than we’ve ever felt before.

An aloneness to this extentis entirely new. Even as an isolated homeschooler, I did not feel alone. I felt myself on the brink of a new life. I thought to myself “This is what it feels like to start college.” I was discovering a feeling that was coming to me two and a half years late. When I started Stanford, it didn’t feel like a new chapter. It felt like just a progression of my life. I had already been on the campus countless times. Everything was already halfway lived. There was the dorm my parents met. There was the stadium I saw get built. There was the tree where I found out my dog died. My childhood is imprinted on Stanford campus. It made coming to Stanford so meaningful, but not exciting. Coming to New York was exciting.

In less than a week, this New York excitement very quickly gave way to business. I dove quickly into all the work of the program. Classes, internship, networking. A packed schedule with little treats of dance classes and shows before each day started again. I couldn’t have everything but I would die trying. And I probably would have, until a new thought planted in my head: “I could live here”.

Knowing that I want to come here after college entire changed my approach. Frenzied excitement gave way to planning, even procrastination. A guiding thought became,”Next weekend.” This is somewhat of a coping mechanism. I know I’ll be back, and my schedule during this program is exhausting. I pass out after long days, if I am not staying up finishing more work from my internship. This is an intro to living and working in New York except with an adulating level of easy. Real adulthood doesn’t provide an RA to take you to the ER if necessary. (Which it was for me)

I am definitely not getting an abroad experience. Instead of wine tasting and weekend trips to Prague, I eat Trader Joe’s frozen meals and look for potential employers. I am not exploring historical sites with friends. By nature of the program, I only see classmates in class and the occasional weekend adventure.

My free time is spent reaching back to campus — missing friends and maintaining my leadership responsibilities for on campus clubs. I did not leave behind my commitments like I thought I would. Most of the time, I am alone. Even when at work, I feel I am an individual among individuals, not part of a group.

This has been my loneliest quarter at Stanford. I am okay with this, I even needed it, but it has been a trying adjustment.

I have not gotten the oversees, foreign adventure. I have been busy, I’ve been frustrated, I’ve been pushed. I am a young adult working instead of a student traveling. But I will come away from New York with a deep love for the city and for the young adult life that I see myself building here. This isn’t an abroad binge. This is an appetizer for my future.

Winter in New York