As I take more entrepreneurship classes and focus on being radically open, I have become interested in keeping a living failure resume. This will be a place to showcase the places where I missed the mark, disappointed others, and failed myself. I hope to showcase what I have not done, how I have learned, and — hopefully — how far I’ve come.
Failure Resume
Not elected to Assistant Commissioner General — Spring 2013
This is probably one of my most defining moments. It led to me switching to homeschool. After serving on student senate every year since 7th grade, I ran for a top executive position for my 11th grade term. The second to most important position in the whole school, I had been plotting this political path since 7th grade so that I could be the top position as a senior, lock in college success, and rule the school. I did all my preparation right - forms in on time, t-shirts designed, “perfect” speech. I was stunned when I lost the election. I was forced to evaluate how people viewed me and how I could come off as aggressively ambitious. I had to rethink the plans I had created as a middle schooler. Eventually, I questioned what type of path I even needed to follow. This ultimately led to me leaving the college prep school I had never questioned as good for me and starting down an unproven path that was the best choice of my life.
Rejected from the big 3 consulting companies — Fall 2018
Like many, I was rejected from the summer intern programs of Bain, BCG, and McKinsey. In my defense, I didn’t know that there was a such thing as prepping, and I did get second round interviews, but this failure kicked me in the gut and made me feel like I was worth less than the many Stanford students who get consulting jobs.
Hundreds of failed auditions — 2012-2016
Growing up in LA provided me a lot of opportunities, especially once I started homeschooling. I spent a lot of my time in high school with two agents and a manager sending me to auditions several times a week. Being in a room with hundreds of girls who looked just like me picked away at my ego over time. I would fail some auditions, and I would nail others. But the life of an actor is a lot of rejections, simply from a numbers view, let alone my shyness and lack of audition experience.
Anxiety attacks — 2008-present
Dealing with anxiety has been a long journey for me. Apparently, I had anxiety since I could walk. I would become obsessively anxious over completing simple tasks. But, anxiety became very real for me as school and extracurricular success began to feel like they had lifelong implications. Through therapy, mindfulness, and honestly, drugs, I have started to understand what triggers my anxiety attacks and how to take care of myself during these times. I am thankful that I had these attacks starting so young, because learning to deal with anxiety before getting to college has helped my survival with less of a support system than at home. It is always a work in progress, but it is a place I feel I’ve grown.
Quadruple booked myself — Fall 2019
One of my biggest weaknesses is taking on way too much and struggling to manage the schedules of each project. One unfortunate weekend, I had several all day commitments and found myself too overwhelmed to communicate with everyone ahead of time. That day was a big lesson to me in knowing my schedules and communicating early with conflicts, though preferably knowing how to say “no” to more things thus preventing the dilemma of choosing which commitment to choose in the case of multiple conflicts.